My life is like a lemon drop

"My life is like a lemon drop I'm suckin on the bitter to get to the sweet part I know there are better days ahead." 

Someone told me once a few years ago that that song "Lemon Drop" by the Pistol Annie's depicted my life, and at this point I would have to agree.

Such a bittersweet day. I have to come to terms with the fact that it's all actually over. Today I went in for my last hcg blood draw for Bump. You see until today I have been considered "pregnant" on paper even though I have miscarried.  Once hcg drops below 5 is when you're considered "not pregnant" but if there is something keeping keeping the levels up (but not up enough for there to be a baby) then my body would need assistance with the rest. Luckily at this point it's just a formality. On Jan. 4th when I was admitted into the hospital for a threatened miscarriage I was at 20 two days later at my follow up I was a 7 so there is no doubt in my mind that my body has cooperated. So it's over and that's sad, I miss my baby. But it's over so that's good, we can start over. You see  the bittersweetness I am currently struggling with?

On another note I have something a little less depressing to share. Now if don't have a lot of knowledge in the ttc department, or the female reproductive system it's possible this is going to go right over your head.

These two pink lines are not quite as exciting as the ones I am hoping for at the end of February but they sure made my heart jump! The two lines being the same color indicate ovulation! Now we are currently not cleared to actually try and given the situation it's best for me to the back to our RE (fertility specialist) and make a new plan. Throw in the fact that without fertility meds my ovulation has been declared "dysfunctional" and to anyone else it's not a big deal. But none the less to us and anyone in a similar situation it's very exciting! Many women don't ovulate for months after a loss and I am thankful my body is returning to it's version of dysfunctional normal. This all means we can expect to be starting our next medicated cycle at the beginning of February! So exciting!

So now that I have discussed a couple of my bodily functions with you guys (I mean what fun is an inferity blog without a little over sharing) if you're still reading I have one more thing to share, that really just makes my heart happy. 

I've received ALOT of feedback lately. And if you follow me on any form of social media aside from blogger you already know we broke the 3000+ views seal! Probably not a lot in the terms of the super bloggers but I've only been at this since November so I'm pretty proud of it. With permission I wanted to share just a bit of the feed back with you. 

"That's because.... You're honest and genuine. Kind and real, you reaching out and sharing your story helps others feel empowered and tell their stories. I'm so lucky to be a part of your journey and your life. When we all fight this fight together we all win. I love you how you never give up or give in. You're mature beyond your years Lora, you handle life with class and grace when your heart aches. I love you so much, thank you for sharing your life. 

- Jennifer, Canada (fellow ttcer)

"You're legit my hero. I love reading your blog posts. Keep it coming (: I admire your strength & you never give up! I love it!"

- Wednesday Watkins, North Carolina

Each message and comment means so much to me and I'm thankful to have reached such a wide range of people but still personally talk with everyone whose reached out from people I'm close with, people whom I haven't spoken with in years, people I never knew personally and people I have never even met. 

My mission has been to help educate people on the taboo topic that infertility and to let famlies like us know that they are not alone and it is okay to talk about your struggles. I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm accomplishing something with this thing. Here's a small exert from a fellow ttcer's blog. I cried. 

"It honestly scares the hell out of me to put myself out there like this but a very sweet, loving, amazing woman gave me the confidence to just go for it. Thanks Lora, I know we have only known each other a short time and only through social media but I can't thank you enough for giving me the courage to do this" 

Okay I'm done with this novel of a blog post now.  I will leave you with this a beautiful sentiment from a fellow ttcer and angel mom. Thank you so much Jessica and Babiilove Graphicz, I look forward to the Light The Night With Love lantern release later this year! 

T-minus 2 weeks & 2 days till appointment day! #teamBabyDenman