Thanksgiving

Ms. Lora out!
I am officially on Thanksgiving break. The next week of my life shall consist of, a doctors appointments (ah, infertility), lots of time in the car, family, friends, time spent in a flour covered apron baking, Black Fridaying (on Friday of course not Thursday) and of course lots and lots of food! I can already see the days passing far to quickly. It should be nothing shy of a wonderful week. I'm very glad people took to the fist post, lucky you guys because my butt is planted in my recliner for the night by the fire Taylor built me before he left for his night shift so you get a pre-Thanksgiving post :)

This month all over facebook including my own there have been post of thanks. I've done this every year for a few years now and always start to run short towards the end but this year I've found there are not enough days! My family, my friends, my virtual support group, my babies (puppies), the super awesome kids in my life, my material possessions and home. I could go on all night and tell you about all the points in my life that I happen to find wonderful. I know I am a very lucky lady.

I feel like my marriage though I've rewordedly been thankful for it numerous times on my facebook really deserves a shout out. Because while as Thanksgiving comes upon us we are childless so many people are alone. Every step of the way he holds my hand, every mood swing he deals with with kindness and understanding, he lets the house stay cold to get me through hot flashes, because as often as I put on the "Positive, we've got this, God is on our side" face there are some not pretty parts to this story. And he's there with never changing love. After all the family leaves, the parties die down and the decorations go back in the attic it's us, the best part of my life and I'm thankful for him every day, every month.

This year I come into the holiday season with a new mind set and new knowledge. My excitement for the memories I will share with my future children has often been replaced for ache. I have spent my life living for the months of October - December and I never thought I'd see the day when I said "the holidays are rough for me this year".  And frankly this year I have no intention of scrooging it up either. I will hold your babies, eat your cookies and sing Christmas Carols at the top of my lungs. So even if it means painting a smile on my face with a sharpie I'm going to make sure I enjoy myself. I can not sit here and tell my readers that I don't envy the Santa pictures, the "my first Thanksgiving" onesies or the cute holiday themed pregnancy announcements. That would be a lie. But what I can tell you is, that while praying, wishing and hoping I am reminded that I have so much to be thankful for, and there is so much in my life worth celebrating.

Tonight's blog post brought to you by a Texas version of a "Winter Blast", my recliner and this warm toasty fire :) PS: We moved our stockings around because of the flame I promise you next week my mantle will not look anything close to this junky. lol!

Even miracles take a little time.

So this is something I have been contemplating for a while, publicly blogging our journey. I can't promise I will keep up with it though, I love the idea of blogging I like documenting every moment of our life and our journey. I have always been a writer. I want our child to know that they were a miracle and I want the world to know. And you know maybe, someone will learn something or maybe someone in our shoes will feel less alone. If it wasn't for all of your constant love and support I would not have the courage to speak out, it means so much to me to receive the messages of encouragement from people I haven't spoken to in years, or seeing people hash tag Team Baby Denman as support it makes my heart so full you have no idea what you do for me every day.

Time is a funny thing. God's timing specifically, it's been weighing on my mind alot lately.
Some of you know that around this time last year we'd decided we were "doing it at the wrong time" and that's why after some time we weren't preggers. So we charted every nitty gritty detail last November and we were sure we'd conceived our Christmas miracle. Our last baby free Christmas we called it we were so confident you can imagine our devastation when a week before Christmas yet another negative. And then this year rocked our worlds. The tests, the needles, the poking, the probing (yes probing), the procedures, appointments, the pills and their side effects this has definitely been a year I wont easily forget.

That being said, it's been a year and we are still crossing our fingers for the lingering hope that this round works and we get our Christmas miracle yet again. But this year it's with a wiser mind set.

I feel like everything in our relationship has led us to this point. Everything in our lives! We are where we're supposed to be even though it hurts sometimes. Taylor and I met at 15 and 16 and were married just shy of two years post high school. People said we rushed it but we disagree I know he's the only guy for me, he's the father of my future children and he's who I will lay my head down to at night every night for the rest of my nights. And I can only imagine he feels the same about me. The plan had always been 2 by 25 and we're done! We want to enjoy our children as they age and we wanted our parents to be able to enjoy our children and our grandparents. We got married, we have the financial means, we have the "nursery" that is currently our dogs room lol. It should've all fallen into place perfectly. But it didn't.

But I think we're where God wants us to be. He wants us to fight this fight to build us into the perfect parents for those babies we are so anxiously awaiting. So maybe we wont be done by 25 maybe we will have one, or maybe twins! (Side note that would be AMAZING so if you pray for us you know what to do lol). But while our plan on our time went astray, God's plan has always put us right where it needed us.  I feel like everyday I am becoming more at peace with this.

So while it's been a hard year, it's been nothing short of a fabulous year!