The Two Week Wait: The Second Addition.

I feel like I've been such a Debbie downer to those close to me, props to the friends who've listened to my endless wining. This cycle has been emotionally and physically draining more so than the others. I don't know if it's the medication changes, the fact we've done this a few times now, or the miscarriage or a combination of all but it's been rough. I've felt like crap and been tired and sad and tired of being sad. Toss in Taylor's current never home work schedule and well it's been dark days in the Denman house. But brighter days are coming after a massage, a blaring positive ovulation test and celebrating my favorite Valentines tradition I'm feeling much better. Better being an understatement. I'm SO excited, we're back in the game it's all becoming real again. Its so surreal after everything we've been through the last month to know that we've got another shot!

This tww adds a whole new element for us. The no or maybe. On Friday I go visit my favorite girls to play the part of a human pin cushion for a progesterone and estrogen draw. My doctor wants to see what my body does on it's own before adding any supportive medications (for a pregnancy). And in my mind the results of this draw make or break everything if the progesterone promising then maybe? And if not well, we should be able to predict a negativity test then (though there are always surprises. So we get a one week wait. But kind of. Not really. We just get more insanity which, we don't run short on around here these days.

I can already see the messages flooding in over the next two weeks. "When will you tell?" "Are you pregnant? "When are you going to test?" Well, I don't really have an answer as far as a public announcement, there will definitely be an ultrasound before hand. We've each chosen one person to tell when we get our positive home pregnancy test (they know who they are), and after we get a good beta (hcg/progesterone/estrogen blah blah blah) result then we will slowly start telling more people and worm our way into telling family. That part is tricky because we're not up for breaking our parent's hearts again. Because as we've learned pregnancy loss effects the whole family. Therefor we're going to take our time with the next one. Soooo maybe an Easter themed pregnancy announcement.....? We shall see.

So what happens if this round is a bust? Or if God forbid we're presented with a situation like our more recent one and we're faced starting over yet again. Well as far as the current medication goes, we know it works but unfortunately they limit your cycles on it to prevent risk of damage. Fertility drugs are no joke they're rough on the women who take them. So we have 3 more months of this method. And we've decided that if we have had no luck with our next step plan (injections, possibly iui) then we will begin exploring IVF at the end of the year, pulling out the big guns. Team Baby Denman plays no games. But here's to hoping this is the end and we don't make it that far! For now I'm just trying to get through the next two weeks with whats left of my sanity still in tact!

And since it's still valentines weekend and I always close with a photo, here's Taylor and I on our first Valentines in 2009! We were such babies 

Until next time readers, 

XOXO
Momma D

Sunshine Award

This month marks the one year anniversary the one year anniversary that the word infertility entered our lives. After 3 years of....we'll say carelessness and 8 months of actively trying my obgyn thought best to send us on for testing. 3 doctors, thousands of dollars, 1 angel, countless vials of blood, and so many tests later here we are into our 20th month of ttcing and our third medicated round. Very few people knew we'd started trying to have a baby the summer we got married. We were young so we didn't want the judgey why don't you wait comments and we were convinced it would happen right away so we wanted to surprise the world.

Back then I never would've imagined us or myself in the position we are now. And I never would've guess I would've connected with the amazing women I have. I find myself lucky enough to be a part of an international virtual infertility community. They hear my baby dancing stories (Saga of the socks), they're all up in my ewcm business with no complaints, help me decide if its evap lines or a bfp. And they make me laugh, and smile and pick me up off the ground. We send each other care packages, organize exchanges and send cards just to make each other smile. How did I get so lucky?

All of that is to say, I've been nominated for the Sunshine Award (an award given by the infertility community to those who bring Sunshine into the lives of others) by one of the sweetest and strongest women I have the pleasure of knowing Amy Lynn Logue . If you haven't checked her out yet it's worth a read, her strength never stops impressing me
Here's what she had to say abut me:

Lora (teambabydenman.blogspot.com) – She’s been through a lot recently and her smile through it all is incredible! She’s got so much strength and it’s inspiring to anyone who witnesses it!

In honor of my nomination here are the questions Amy has asked of myself and my fellow nominees. And in return I will be asking my 2 a new set of questions.

1. How did you and DH (ttc speak for hubby) meet? and at what age?
Taylor and I met at  a birthday dinner at Joes Crab Shack of 1960 in Humble TX after a mutual childhood friend texted him saying "I have a surprise for you.....my super hot best friend". Knowing I was being set up made the whole thing extremely uncomfortable and it wasn't until we were strategically left alone that I finally got to talking to him. We talked for hours and at the end of the night he kissed my forhead and the rest is history. We've been together that day since May 17th of or Sophomore year in high school (2008 at 15 and 16).

2. Where is your favorite place to go on vacation?
I've been to Disney World once in my life, last summer. I'm itching to go back already! I can not wait until the day we can take our kids and do it up right!

3. What are you most excited about when it comes to being a mommy?
I could go on forever with this one. But I will leave it at creating magical memorable Christmas mornings.

4. Who is your biggest support system?
Next to Taylor  of course, I would have to say Nikki. If you read my blog and you grew up with us I'm sure you've witnessed the friendship we share, and if you read it at all I know you've heard her name. We (and Dennis) got close in the seventh grade. Our friendship is one that has withstood miles, teenage arguments, quiet periods, and some of the words days of our lives. But she's there for it all for everything. We are in constant communication, and she makes sure to know every detail of whats going on during any given cycle, when I'm due to test, and the dates of my doctors appointments and what happens at them. I could NOT have asked for a better best friend, after all I hand picked her myself ;)

5. What is your guilty pleasure food?
Sour candy oh and pizza 

6. What is your favorite day to remember?
It sounds silly, but the day we spent at Disney World. It was the definition of a perfect day. It's true what they say it really is the happiest place on Earth.

7. What song means the most to you and why?
Well it changes often, I'm one of those people totally entranced by the lyrics, what they mean and how they can relate to me or impact me. A song for me, can change my whole day. Currently its "Gone Gone Gone" by Phillip Phillips. Before I got pregnant with Bump I used to sing it outloud with the idea that I was singing it to my babies, how I would do anything to protect them endlessly. And when I became pregnant I would belt it in the car to my belly. And these days I still sing it to my babies to come, and I sing it to Bump "I'll love you long after you're gone gone gone"

8. Name a random fact about you.
I completed my senior year of high school in 4 months gaining 7 credits and somehow managed to have a halfway decent gpa. No one understands how proud I was of myself for walking across that stage.

9. What is your favorite thing to do on weekends?
Stay in bed with Taylor all day watching movies.

10. How as infertility effected you? The good and the bad.
Good- I didn't know I could possibly be this strong after the things I've endured. It's made me a better and more compassionate person. It's forced Taylor and I to be closer in ways I didn't know imaginable. And I know because of this fight my babies will be so cherished not just by us but by our loved ones. Its already made me a better mom.

Bad- For the last two years when planning vacations I say "well hopefully I'm pregnant" or "well it depends on if I'm pregnant". My life revolves around the prospect of maybe, and I hate it. Oh and lets not get started on my newly acquired anxiety.

Now its my turn to nominate and I've chosen two.
Suzie Garner - Suize has become hands down one of my best friends. Her support not just for me but for numerous girls in our instagram community (yes I do have a ttc instagram, it exists and no its not for real life friends lol). I am so lucky to know her and have connected with her through a similar battle,  her strength and selflessness amazes me every day.  And I could not be more excited for the new chapter in their journey that's begun.

And my Twinsie  (whose blog remains anonymous to the real world therefor I wont put her actual name). Our stories are almost identical and as crazy as it seems we're convinced the Twinsie status we've had going since before we knew each other will get us preggers together. Our current (similarly medicated) cycles are insanely close. She is the most caring person I know, if you're on my facebook and remember the pizza that was her lol. Her love of others surpasses that of anyone I've ever met. I am lucky to be her friend.

So girls like my questions answered above here are yours, they were difficult to come up with as I have the pleasure of knowing you both SO well.

1. What picks you back up when you're feeling down?
2. How has infertility changed you?
3. Has infertility effected the ways in which you are choosing to parent?
4. Where is your favorite place, in the world?
5. What is your favorite past time?
6. Do you have a dream job?
7. What song has brought you either peace, joy or strength in this journey?
8. What could you eat forever?
9. If you could host a world wide ttcsisters meet up where wold we do it and what would we do?
10. Finally, what do you admire most about your husband?


Thats all readers, thank you for the love and support. And for reading!
Until Next time, xoxo
Momma D 

Bring it.

I've had a count down for the last two weeks on our white board in the kitchen, "1 week", "5 days" "two days" and finally I wiped it away this morning. Today was the day! I've spent the last month stuck in a rut (understandably so). Being stuck is a hard place to be, when you're me. Today was the day I finally regained some of that control back. It was finally appointment day.

I sat in the parking lot for a good ten minutes before talked myself into going in. Because you see as excited I was (and am) to jump back in, I was equally terrified to face the harsh reality of what happened only a month ago. I knew as soon as Dr. Roach walked into the room we would be going over as she called it "my most recent pregnancy". And that is exactly what we did. In the little room at the end of the hallway we went over every date, detail, symptom and hcg number. Much to my surprise I mustered through all that without being a puddle on the floor. I must say I'm rather proud of myself.

She flipped through my charts, she nodded and, "mhmm"'d for a few minutes and then she asked "How much more metformin can your body handle" I looked at her with a straight face and responded "Bring it!"

I don't know if I've mentioned before the numerous areas aside from the reproductive system that are effected my pcos. My hair is thin and falls out, my face breaks out, I get debilitating migraines and pcos does a really good job at messing with your insulin levels. Metformin (oddly enough, an anti diabetic) helps keep that regulated. So we upped that to the highest dosage allowed, because the lower the insulin "the better the blood flow to the placenta", which means better for the baby! PCOS has gives me a higher than average rate for a reoccurring miscarriage, and my doctor is confident that this is the best way to prevent another loss. So much medical talk today hope I didn't loose you, sorry guys and I hope I didn't gross you out with my placenta mentioning.

Everything else, remains the same I will be on the same 3 medications that got me pregnant with Bump, because we know they work. So we upped my Metformin, refilled my Chlomid and Cabergonoline and printed a lab slip for the half way point of our two week wait. So for now, this cycle has officially started and on Cycle day 3, I take my first Chlomid (ovulatiory assistance drug) of five, and we wait for the positive ovulation test (which is looking to be around Valentines day, hey hey hey). I can feel it all the way down to my toes, this is going to be a good month!

Special thank you to everyone who facebooked, instagramed, texted and called me today with wishes of goof luck, prayers and support for today. None of this would all be possible, if we didn't have the best support system in the world right by our side.

Armed with tokens off good luck, 

I walked to the end of the hallway, and we made a plan.

Infertility, I'm gonna kick your butt! For real this time!

XOXOXO

Momma D.